icallthebigonebitey:

• “People’s Choice Award” is America’s greatest honor.
• Styrofoam is not made from kittens.
• The U.F.O was a paper plate.
• The nerds on the internet are not geeks.
• The word “cheese” is not funny in and of itself.
• The older Flanders boy is Todd, not Rod.
• Lyndon Johnson did not provide the voice of Yosemite Sam.
• If you are reading this you have no life.
• Roy Rogers was not buried inside his horse.
• The other U.F.O was an upside down salad spinner.
• Our universities are not hotbeds of anything.
• Mr. Dershowitz did not literally have four eyes.
• Our viewers are not pathetic, sexless food tubes.
• Audrey Hepburn never weighed 400 pounds.
• The “Cheers” gang is not a real gang.
• Salt water does not “chase the thirsties away”.
• Licking an electrical outlet will not turn you into a Mighty Morphin Power Ranger.
• Cats do not eventually turn into dogs.
• Bullets do not bounce off of fat guys.
• Recycling does not deplete the ozone.
• Everything is 10% fruit juice.
• The flesh eating virus does not hide in ice cream.
• Janet Reno is evil.
• V8 juice is not 1/8 gasoline.
• Ted Koppel is a robot.
• Women aren’t from Venus and men aren’t from Mars.
• Fleiss does floss.
• Quayle is familiar with common bathroom procedures.
• Bart is bad to the bone.
• Godfry Jones’ wife is cheating on him.
• The Beatles haven’t reunited to enter kick boxing competitions.
• The “Bug” on your tv screen can see into your home.
• Everyone on tv is better than you.
• The people who are writing this have no life.